The Golden Thread of Friendship

Did you know that there is no definition in the dictionary to describe friendship really?  I looked, and there was nothing that even came close to describing how I feel about my friends.  It's because you can't really put human words to a connection that goes deeper than the human language.  You can't really put words to things that God does within the soul~~~between souls.

Today is the anniversary of the day my dear friend Christy passed, after enduring 5 years of ovarian cancer.  I refuse to capitalize the words "ovarian and cancer" because they don't deserve the honor of capital letters.  True~~~~I HATE cancer.  But, again~~~there is something that goes way deeper than words when you are dealing with God, because God can take even the ugliest things and use them to bring beautiful things. 

Today is the reminder~~~the reminder of what is gone~~~the reminder of the empty spot that losing a close friend leaves. 

Today is a day that brings a tug on my heart because I miss her so.  I miss the walks, the deep conversations, the laughter, the mountain hikes, the "teacher"~~~~

But today is also a day to remember what was gained, what was learned, what was built within the soul, what was woven~~~

If we could see the heaven side of things, I'm sure we wouldn't even know how to describe the beautiful splendor that God is weaving in His creation.  Those connections between friends are threads of pure gold.  Gold is the strongest metal~~~the threads of gold that connect friends are of the strongest kind.  The kind that never sever.  And who am I that I would be so blessed to have so many of them?  Those threads come from the spool of Grace, and are given by God Himself.  That's what I believe~~~because there are no earthly words to describe what happens when God gives us such a treasure in life.

Christy was adamant about how we should describe her life with cancer.  She said, "never ever say that I am battling cancer, because this is not a battle, this is my life and I am living it despite the cancer and I am living well even with the cancer".  And she was right, she did. I learned more from her in that 5 years than I have in a lifetime about "living well".  And that's exactly what I mean about what happens deep within the soul in such a connection of hearts~~~the undefinable changes that occur within us when we are blessed enough to experience such beauty in the midst of such ugliness as cancer.  Cancer may have been the disease that ended her life, but it was that time with her during her cancer that she taught me and many others to really LIVE and savor each and every moment we are given. It was during that time that God must have been weaving the most intricate design.

Christy is not here today~~~but that golden thread still connects us firmly.  You see, the thing about that thread is it doesn't stop being woven.  That thread that connects me to Christy is the Spirit that lives on and through me, the thread of God's Spirit.  That thread connects me to others and causes me to extend what I learned from Christy to other places in my life. God often uses people to show us parts of His character~~~to teach us Who He is.  Through Christy, I saw how God wants us to deal with the ugly things that happen to us.  He wants us to see that those ugly things just happen TO us, not IN us.  Those ugly things do not define us, nor do they take away from who He created us to be.  And if we allow Him, He can use those ugly things to bring such utter beauty~~~beauty beyond imagination.  Heavenly beauty.

So, today I am going to dwell in that undefinable beauty that the golden thread has left in my life.  I am going to let Him WEAVE ON and extend the thread of His Spirit.  I'm going to savor the beauty of the weaving of those golden threads being woven in my life. I'm going to live well.

Christy would say, "Ah, now you got it!" 

Sonrise

"God’s mercies are new every morning — not as an obligation to you, but as an affirmation of you. It's right there in there in the sky every morning: Every sunrise proves the burn of His passionate heart" Ann Voskamp

 

 

I just love this quote!  And isn't that what my sunrise picture looks like?  The "burn of His passionate heart" spreading warmth from the very start of our day?  Even though He is an all encompassing, all powerful, majestic God who created all things and is above His entire creation, He still stoops to affirm His love to us.  Why?  Because we were created to love Him.  It's like a parent and a child~~that never-ending kind of love that lights up the heart like no other.  No matter what, that love never wavers and it is a downright pleasure to show them~~~not an obligation, but an affirmation that they are special.  Our prayer is that they love us back.

 

Sure, there are times when we may not "like" our children and they may not like us, but always, that deep love is there.  I can't say as there was ever a time when I didn't "like" God~~~but there was a long time when I didn't know Him.  Kind of like a child that is so involved with their own world that they forget their parents are there~~~until they need money or something! Well, I didn't turn to the Lord because I needed money, but I guess the need is kind of the same in a sense when it starts out!  I found myself with a need for something that I couldn't find any other way.  I really didn't even know what I needed for sure, but there was a definite need. 

 

I've seen toddlers that were so tired that they couldn't sleep!  Sounds strange, but it's true.  They get so overtired that they don't know what they want.  They are restless and wander aimlessly about, whimpering and unsettled.  When they finally turn to their mom or dad for comfort and are held close, they fall into that beautiful baby slumber.  Maybe I was kind of like that?  When I finally found the Father, and accepted His unconditional, unwavering love that was there all along, I wanted to be close~~~I mean in-His-arms-snuggled-to-His passionate-beating-heart close.  Because just knowing He was real and He was God was not enough.  Like that toddler, I would be still wandering aimlessly if I didn't get the connection.  Just knowing about Him had to change to knowing Him intimately. 

 

But how can we understand someone's love for us and really love them back without knowing them?It was not until I really started reading the Bible and studying with a group of passionate Christian ladies, that I started understanding that love in a deeper way.  Because you know what? It wasn't about finding out why He loves me, it was about understanding why He shouldn't love me. 

 

In the beginning, He created all things perfect~~~there was Light~~~but there was also dark.  And mankind chose to step away from what was good, and dabble in the tempting dark of deception.  And then everything changed.  Once darkness was allowed to enter in, it became part of our existence and there would be a constant battle from that point on.

 

Nothing has changed since the beginning when man fell.  God is still our Father, and we are still His children, but we still fall to sin and the darkness separates us from Him.  The solution?  The connection?  I mean, someone had to take the consequences of that darkness because that's just how God works.  Darkness doesn't touch Him.  But He knew all along that man would do what he did~~~so in His all-knowing wisdom, mercy, grace and love for us,  He had a plan for redemption. He knew a way to forgive the children that had gone so far into the darkness. But it was a huge sacrifice.  He sent His one and only Son as a sacrifice for what we had done as mankind, so there could be forgiveness.  So that gap of dark could become Light. 

 

Jesus took the punishment for our sin.  Not just a supernatural unseen punishment~~~it had to be an earthly punishment that fit our earthly depravity.  So Jesus, the being of God, came as man to receive that horrid, brutal punishment so that we could run into that gap and beyond, to get to the arms of our Father.  That gap of darkness is filled with Light for those who are brave enough to step out~~~~for those who recognize why He shouldn't love us, for those who acknowledge the darkness in their lives and accept His forgiveness.  And then everything changes. 

 

We find our way to the Father's arms and let Him hold us and as we lay upon His chest, we hear the never-ending beat of His passionate heart~~~~and we finally REST.  And we LOVE HIM BACK.

 

Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened and I will give you rest~~~Matthew 11:28

 

For God so loved that world that He gave His one and only Son, that all who believes in Him will not perish, but will have eternal life.  John 3:16

 



Morning assurance of His presence and love

Satisfy us in the morning with Your unfailing love, that we may sing for joy and be glad all our days. Psalm 90:14

Morning sun shining warmly on my back~~~~~~

 sweet music playing~~~~ http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t8HDmGSePio&feature=related

the rich aroma of the steaming coffee before me~~~~

my tattered Bible and BSF lesson in front of me~~~~

some of my favorite things~~things that I put in place myself, (except the sun of coarse!) readying me for my day~~~

 But the shadow of the Cross on my paper.....oh my!  What a beautiful reminder that Christ is present when we present ourselves to Him. 

He satisfies us in the morning with His unfailing love, that we may sing for joy and be glad all our days. 

Holy Joy

"Holy joy, it rings loudest in the deepest canyons." Ann Voskamp


This one line struck me~~~and isn't it true?  It's true that the deep places in life are often the places that are hard and dark and low.  The mountain top experiences seem to draw us and we want to stay where we "are on top of the world"~~~where everything seems oh, so right.  But the truth is, sometimes it's the deep places in life that teach us the most.  It's the valleys and the bottoms of canyons that can sometimes make us feel like giving up.  But it's in the deep places that the water flows and the rich green grows. 

I've never been to the Grand Canyon before, but I've been to enough steep canyons here in Wyoming to know that it's often quiet and still~~~until someone gives a shout,
and then the echoes ring out!  Sound bounces off the walls in resonating pitches.  One shout yields more and more and more.  Laughter multiplies, and the rushing river sounds like a never-ending story.  And light~~~well, the light shines anyway. Even in the deepest parts with the narrowest openings, light beams find their way clear to the bottom, overpowering the cool, damp, darkness. 

What is "Holy Joy"?  Well, I imagine it's the kind of joy that comes from deep within.  The kind that flows through our veins, pumping from the heart of the soul.  It's like a Still Small Voice that echoes from every single steep ridge of our lives.  It's sometimes sorrow, and it's sometimes delight, but it flows like the river~~~it's the never-ending-story of life.  His light shines anyway~~~~even in our darkest times.  His light shines anywhere~~~even in those narrow, jagged, turns in the path. Holy Joy is sureness that He is steadfast and faithful.  And the sound?  Holy Joy rings out sheer praise!  Even one small murmer of thanks, when our heart is still hurting, can ring out and multiply like a thousand voices~~~~~because of the walls.  The walls of The Rock. The Rock stands on all sides, raising up high into the heavens.  His light shines through~~~~ and the echoes of praise ring loudest in the deepest canyons of life.

He reveals the deep things of darkness and brings deep shadows into the Light.  Job12:22

In His hand are the depths of the earth and the mountain peaks belong to Him.  Psalm 95:4

It's the little stuff

Who would know, if they gazed down the street at the park with the thick green grass and pleasant little picnic table, under the shade of a big cottonwood tree....who would know that there is so much pain surfacing in the building right across the street, at the hospital for the sick and wounded?

Who would know, as they watched a little girl spin and dance her way into the hospital cafeteria with such utter joy on her pretty little face....who would know that the one playing the beautiful piano music for the little girl's joy, is a patient in the treatment center, probably fighting his way through the tangled web of addiction?

Who would know that behind the preciously delicate little face, silky soft hair and the peaceful looking slumber of the baby, is a body struggling to survive and make sense of this complicated world?

Sometimes it's the little stuff that makes this big stuff seem not quite as big.

The Heart of Joy

Yesterday you could see every stone, every pebble beneath the gently flowing river. Crystal clear, it was. My eyes saw clearly the beauty below the surface. Today, it's like chocolate milk. The overnight rain had brought cloudy waters. I strain to see at least a little bit of rock bottom, but the river is moving fast and there is nothing visible except the rushing flow of dense brown water.

This is a picture of how I am feeling lately. Things that used to bring me joy and trigger desire, just havent even touched me lately. And it is downright disturbing. I'm having trouble seeing beauty through the muddy waters of day to day life.

Where has my joy gone? Has my joy gone?

Moisture has been a rarity lately with temperatures in the 90's consistently for over a month. The ground has become parched in places, but still, there are berries on bushes and pretty little wildflowers sprinkled about the mountain floor . The man at the little red country store said this rain was the first measurable moisture in over a month in these parts. I imagine this rain was a welcomed site. The moisture that brings good, also brought the muddy water.

Maybe that's where my joy has gone? I see muddy waters. I have clouded vision. But if I would take my eyes off of the places that bring disturbance in my life, and look around at the places that show perseverance and promise, maybe I would see that the same rains that cloud my vision, also cause growth. Is it possible to just have one without the other? Not likely. In order to find joy, sometimes we have to experience the things that disturb the flow of our lives, so we can be thankful for what really matters. Indeed, it is hard to see below the surface of a troubled world, to the rock solid foundation over which it flows, but nevertheless, it still remains. The bedrock that lines the path is unmoved. My faith foundation----my salvation----cannot be disturbed. My human nature gets muddled easily by even the gentle storms of life, but my faith will not waver.

So where does joy reside when all I can see is brokenness around me? If my faith is unmovable than shouldnt my joy also be?  Joy is not dependent on earthly means, and is not just a state of "happiness". Joy comes from the root of our faith and it is embedded deeply into our soul. It is a steady sustainer of body and soul, pulsating from the heart of our existence. It is the bloodlife of our faith, because in order to have faith we have to believe that we are forgiven and receive with gratitude the Lord of our salvation. As long as the heart beats, there will be the circulation of joy, because of Jesus' blood poured out for our salvation, poured over and into us by the One who was pierced, so that instead of eternal joylessness, we could be filled with Joy Himself forevermore.

This thought stops me short in my tracks. How can I be so blind to the Joy in me? I know this. I am blind to the Joy in me because I am too focused on the brokenness around me. What I see as brokenness, God sees as opportunity to show Himself faithful. Like the red berries and tiny purple and yellow wildflowers amidst the parched grass, He reveals joy even amongst the dying. Like the long hard rain, He saturates with good, even when we see mud.

Perhaps I am looking with my eyes instead of my heart? Open the eyes of my heart Lord....I want to see You. I want that same heart that pulsates wildly, circulating body and soul with Joy to the utmost tips of my existence and beyond, so that I may see you everywhere, and so that I might see others with your eyes of compassion and love. Because isnt that what joy is all about? To give on Your behalf?

The bottom line......joy is revealed in us when we see with His eyes....not just the muddy waters, but when we know what lies beneath the murkiness, and are ever so grateful for our sure Foundation. Joy is revealed around us as well, as we look beyond the places of sorrow to the blooming life around us that perseveres even in the parched lanscapes of time----because the rain storms that bring muddy waters also bring new life. And for that, I am grateful~~~~and I am Joy~full!