The Heart of Joy

Yesterday you could see every stone, every pebble beneath the gently flowing river. Crystal clear, it was. My eyes saw clearly the beauty below the surface. Today, it's like chocolate milk. The overnight rain had brought cloudy waters. I strain to see at least a little bit of rock bottom, but the river is moving fast and there is nothing visible except the rushing flow of dense brown water.

This is a picture of how I am feeling lately. Things that used to bring me joy and trigger desire, just havent even touched me lately. And it is downright disturbing. I'm having trouble seeing beauty through the muddy waters of day to day life.

Where has my joy gone? Has my joy gone?

Moisture has been a rarity lately with temperatures in the 90's consistently for over a month. The ground has become parched in places, but still, there are berries on bushes and pretty little wildflowers sprinkled about the mountain floor . The man at the little red country store said this rain was the first measurable moisture in over a month in these parts. I imagine this rain was a welcomed site. The moisture that brings good, also brought the muddy water.

Maybe that's where my joy has gone? I see muddy waters. I have clouded vision. But if I would take my eyes off of the places that bring disturbance in my life, and look around at the places that show perseverance and promise, maybe I would see that the same rains that cloud my vision, also cause growth. Is it possible to just have one without the other? Not likely. In order to find joy, sometimes we have to experience the things that disturb the flow of our lives, so we can be thankful for what really matters. Indeed, it is hard to see below the surface of a troubled world, to the rock solid foundation over which it flows, but nevertheless, it still remains. The bedrock that lines the path is unmoved. My faith foundation----my salvation----cannot be disturbed. My human nature gets muddled easily by even the gentle storms of life, but my faith will not waver.

So where does joy reside when all I can see is brokenness around me? If my faith is unmovable than shouldnt my joy also be?  Joy is not dependent on earthly means, and is not just a state of "happiness". Joy comes from the root of our faith and it is embedded deeply into our soul. It is a steady sustainer of body and soul, pulsating from the heart of our existence. It is the bloodlife of our faith, because in order to have faith we have to believe that we are forgiven and receive with gratitude the Lord of our salvation. As long as the heart beats, there will be the circulation of joy, because of Jesus' blood poured out for our salvation, poured over and into us by the One who was pierced, so that instead of eternal joylessness, we could be filled with Joy Himself forevermore.

This thought stops me short in my tracks. How can I be so blind to the Joy in me? I know this. I am blind to the Joy in me because I am too focused on the brokenness around me. What I see as brokenness, God sees as opportunity to show Himself faithful. Like the red berries and tiny purple and yellow wildflowers amidst the parched grass, He reveals joy even amongst the dying. Like the long hard rain, He saturates with good, even when we see mud.

Perhaps I am looking with my eyes instead of my heart? Open the eyes of my heart Lord....I want to see You. I want that same heart that pulsates wildly, circulating body and soul with Joy to the utmost tips of my existence and beyond, so that I may see you everywhere, and so that I might see others with your eyes of compassion and love. Because isnt that what joy is all about? To give on Your behalf?

The bottom line......joy is revealed in us when we see with His eyes....not just the muddy waters, but when we know what lies beneath the murkiness, and are ever so grateful for our sure Foundation. Joy is revealed around us as well, as we look beyond the places of sorrow to the blooming life around us that perseveres even in the parched lanscapes of time----because the rain storms that bring muddy waters also bring new life. And for that, I am grateful~~~~and I am Joy~full!