Tiny Warriors

image borrowed from internet source

I hold those tiny warm pink feet in my hand and I am mesmerized by the perfection.  I stroke the fine creases on his silky sole and his toes curl around my finger, grasping tightly.  I smile.  I run my fingers along each little toe, smaller than tiny sweet peas in a pod, and I marvel at knowing that these brand new feet are already walking the journey of life.....and it must be so hard. 

Lungs heave, limbs flail, and the heart beats wildly in response to the foreign world around him. Bright lights shine above him and voices speak.  No longer is the warmth and muffled sounds from the womb.  No longer is the whooshing of his mother's heart or the endless and effortless sleep. Everything's different now, and there's no going back.

No matter how hard we try to simulate the environment that nurtured him before now,  it will never be the same.  But deep inside that tiny little body is a will to survive.  Along with those caring for him, and that amazing will, he has a chance.  He begins this part of his journey prematurely, but nevertheless, each step is measured carefully and with determination and Grace.  The journey becomes not just about him, but about countless others who invest their Love and care in the precious moments of his life.  Hearts change as  these tiny steps are witnessed, and this time.....this trying, difficult, emotional, beautiful, exhausting and magical time, becomes etched in a way that forever marks the soul. Like the grasp of those tiny fingers, this experience grabs hold of us in a way leaves us better than before.

My life has been marvelously touched as I have worked in the NICU for the past 18 years.  Some may not believe in Miracles, but I have seen them first hand.  Some may not understand why we work so hard to save the tiniest of tiny ones, but I have seen what happens in the hearts of those who love them.  Some may not think they can bear the sadness when a battle is lost, but I've seen God's grace come so near that His breath can almost be felt on on the wilted shoulders of the mourning. And  I have seen lives change as a result of walking the journey with these strong little warriors. A legacy is left in the wake of the passing, and multitudes of paths of others are flowered with the sweet petals of tender love.

I can't help but think about the love of the Father.  Our journeys are under His watch.  As we flail and struggle to survive this part of life, His will keeps us alive, because His will was accomplished through the death of His only Son Jesus.  No matter how hard we try to make this world heaven, it will never be our forever Heaven.  So each step of our journey must be measured carefully with determination and grace. In Him, our life's journey becomes not just about us, but about countless others who touch our lives and about the One who gave us eternal life.  His evidence in our lives is love.  And even though this life is difficult, exhausting, and emotionally draining at times, it is beautiful.  As we live in reflection of His grace in our hard times, others are touched in ways that reach deep into their soul and they changed in ways indescribable.

The path to Him is flowered with sweet petals of His tender love, and leads to our "forever Heaven" where there will be no more pain, no more suffering, and every tear will be wiped away.


He will wipe every tear from their eyes.  There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away.  Rev. 21:4

Home

HEART MOUNTAIN

A welcoming sight.....unchanging and unmoving. Always the same when everything else seems to be changing so fast. Assurance that I am home.

MOTHER~mother / god~GOD

Sometimes I feel like this monkey!  I love babies!  
I love MY babies, even though they are all grown up.

That seems to be one of my problems lately.  My babies are all grown up and I am missing being that kind of mother that I used to be.  A friend gave me a good word picture....she said instead of being Mother in big letters,   MOTHER
            Now I am mother in small letters, MOTHER.

 It doesn't mean that I have ceased to be their mother.  It just means that I am no longer the center of their universe!  They no longer need me the way they used to.  I NEED to be a mother. But, as life progresses, things change.  And they should!

That same friend that gave me the advise about mothering also said that we spend the first portion of our lives acquiring things......physical growth and knowledge, friendships, careers, marriage, children, material gain.... But we spend the latter portion of our lives learning how to let go. 

Isn't that what God asks us to do too? He asks us to deny self, take up our cross, and follow Him.  Essentially,  that is what happens as we get older.  We begin to realize that material things are not as important as we used to think.  We let go, little by little, of the roles we used to have when we were younger and take on new roles.  We let our children fly....we see our parents age and become more dependent on us, we experience the loss of our loved ones....

          We take up our Cross and follow Him.

But it's not the kind of giving up that leaves us empty.  It's the kind of giving up that leaves us open to be filled.

Though outwardly we are wasting away,  yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. 2 Cor. 4:16

Our time here is temporary.  All the while, we are being prepared to enter in to His kingdom.  In order for that to happen, we are transformed.  Part of that transformation requires us to let go of the things of this world that are not eternal, and take on those things that are.

For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all.  So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but what is unseen.  For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.  2 Cor. 4:17-18  

Being a mother is a blessing beyond words.  It is a gift.  It is not something to hoard, or something to be a means of manipulation.  It is a privilege to be held in high esteem, and to be carried out in the way it was designed to be.  This means we give of ourselves for our children, and we let them go when it's time.

Being a follower of Christ is a gift that far outweighs everything else.  It is not something to be held selfishly, or something to be used to set ourselves above others.  It is a privilege to behold...to be carried out as He carried out life and death for us.  He gave His life for us, therefore, we give ours for Him.

Even though I am not a MOTHER in big letters anymore, I am gaining more and more perspective on the fact that being a good mother means seeing God in more and more of my life.  Being thankful for what is and making Him GOD in the biggest letters of all! 
 



 
 

My friend

       

      

She sat there in yellow, light beaming all around her.  Calmness filled the room and the heart opened wide, spilling feelings and words that were tucked in tightly, not knowing how to be expressed.

Her gentle spirit touches me like welcoming arms of love.  As she speaks, beauty is revealed~~~
      because her beauty is of the godly kind~~a gift.
A gift from Him to her~~~a gift from her to me.

Somehow, everything becomes clearer as she empathizes, explains, encourages, and empowers with her words, His Word, their love.

                  And everything is alright~~~

She is beautiful~~~~
                    She is my friend~~~


                        

Right place~Right time

photo borrowed from Fotosearch.com

     Clearing the sleep from my eyes, I padded down the stairs and out the front door to let the dogs out for their morning business. I just was turning to go back inside when I heard a buzzing sound.  Low and rhythmical, like nothing I normally hear, the sound caught my attention, and as I followed the sound with my eyes I saw it.  Hovering just above the brick planter on the porch was a golden hummingbird kissing my red geraniums good morning, as they shared their sweetness with the rare visitor!  My mouth dropped open and I stood dead still as I watched him sample each flower, moving gracefully from one to the other.  I wanted to savor each moment of this sight, and wished that I could record it somehow to watch again and again.  But the moment was fleeting and soon he was off, disappearing as fast as he appeared. 

 

We don't see hummingbirds in our yard usually.  Sometimes on their way into the area in the spring, and on their way out of the area in the late summer they will "stop by" for a moment, and this morning I was blessed to be there in that moment of time. "In the right place at the right time"......I've heard that phrase over and over again.  I guess you could say that I was in the right place at the right time.......but is there ever a wrong place at the wrong time?  Or a wrong place at the right time?  In God's timing, every place is a right place at the right time, only sometimes we don't see it that way! This morning, I definitely felt like everything was right!  Just imagine what I would have missed, had I gone back into the house.  

The joy of seeing the little hummer drew me outside, and instead of one good thing, I saw many. The sun made glistening sparkles on the lawn as the dew sat on the blades of grass like diamonds. The morning light was shining from the side, creating shadows of cool over the garden.  The chickens were exploring quietly, traveling to the backyard to see what they could find.   The sunflowers in the field had their faces turned east, gathering every bit of the shine..... and so did I, as I closed my eyes and felt the warmth.....and thanked God for this abundance of early morning blessings to start my day!

                                                             

Living Expectantly

An empty place at the table~~~~empty plate, empty bowl.  Empty Place.  He said he was coming.  He even wanted his special "Fry Bread and Chicken and Dumplings"~~~~I looked forward to his arrival all day long.  I shopped for the food, and I made sure everything was ready, but he didn't show up.  I was crushed.

I remember the day when the table was set and every place was filled.  Hands collided reaching for the butter at the same time, voices chattered about the events of the day, and giggles erupted as one burped loudly and was sentenced to doing the dinner dishes as punishment!  I remember having expectations then of a nice quiet mealtime with children who knew good manners!  And now~~~~~my expectations have changed drastically.  Now, all I wanted was to just see him at the table so I could hear about  his day. 

Sometimes we have expectations of people that never pan out.  Sometimes we get all excited over things that just aren't as important to others.  I think I did that tonight.

It's hard to know when we should have expectations and when we should not.  Expectations are sometimes derived from our own desires rather than realistic circumstances.  I know that it was just one dinner, but it wasn't really the dinner at all that I wanted~~~~it was the time with him.  I miss him so much.  This house can seem so empty with the kids gone.

I read once that instead of expectations, we should live our lives with expectancy. There is a difference you know.  When we live with expectations, we set the standard ourselves.  But when we live with expectancy, we just live looking for the best in things~~~~living by grace. I can choose to be sad all night, and upset that he didn't show up.  Or, I can choose to look forward to the next time, and hope that when he realizes what he missed, he will try harder to show up next time!

Isn't that how God must feel about us sometimes?  I imagine He awaits my attention more than I know.  And I'll bet that there are many times that I fail to show up, even though I have prayed and have made requests that He has honored.  I am grateful that He is a God of grace and He never gives up on us no matter how many times we disappoint Him. Maybe this is how He teaches us patience and how to live a life of expectancy rather than laying down our own expectations of others?

So~~~~I packaged up his favorite "Fry Bread and Chicken and Dumplings" and put them in the fridge~~~because I know he will show up sometime, and when he does, I will be ready!  I am expectant that he will!

He Understands

                                                                      

images borrowed from (In)courage.me

                                                                                                           
It seems like everywhere I turn there are hard things in life that I do not understand.  I do not understand why 50 year old women get Alzheimer's disease, I do not understand why babies die, I do not understand why children turn to drugs, I do not understand why humans take each others lives in rages of craziness. How can our fragile minds even begin to comprehend such things? 



Jesus said, "In this world you will have troubles, but take heart! I have overcome the world." He knew that we would have trouble understanding the hard things of life.  He knew that we would be heavy in heart at the things that just do not seem to make sense.  He knew......and He knows now......because He promises to never leave us or forsake us.

                                                                  
 I think He tells us not to lean on our own understanding because He knows our understanding is limited.  We cannot trust in the temporal things of the world, we have to trust in His unlimited understanding of the "big picture" of life.  But He doesn't leave us to just wonder and mourn.  Even though we do not understand His plan, He understands us. His understanding isn't a state of mind.....it is an active work.....He knows us from the depths of our soul because He is the One who created us.  Therefore, He is continually working in us through His Holy Spirit, to give us peace and comfort in those times that we do not understand and is transforming us in ways that we cannot be transformed otherwise. He teaches us to trust in HIM and not in the world, and to set our eyes upon the eternal things to ease the sorrows in the present. He draws us closer as we question, and as we are weighted down with sadness. He comforts us with His love, like a parent does with a child who has felt the sting of pain, and tells us that it's "gonna be alright"......because He knows.....

                                     
Over and over again, we will be faced with things that just tear our hearts out and cause us to shudder and shake our heads. But His promises are unfailing and even though we may not understand......He Does. 

And so, instead of focusing on the things I do not understand, I will have to make a conscious effort to look for hope in the things that I do understand.  I do understand that we serve a loving God.  I do understand that He is sovereign in all things.  I do understand that He is merciful. And I do understand that His grace is sufficient.  I take comfort in these things, and as I am comforted, I am able to help comfort others with the comfort that He has given me.
                                                                                          
May you find Comfort in His steadfast arms today