After the Pruning

4 days away from home, 4 days since the pruning----just 4 days, and already the blooms have exploded!  I returned to find a planter full of pleasure!  Those persistent geraniums are covered with bright red and white color and the little mums and petunias are all opened up in the evening sunshine. It's as if
                                                  they are giving glorious praise as their
brilliance shouts beauty and joy!

How could just a little pruning result in this?  Well, I can tell you that it wasn't just the pruning!  It was the sun and the water and the cool of the night that filled the empty spots with abundant flashes of colorful flowers, and it makes me smile!  

Isn't that just the way God works in our lives?  Where there once was emptiness, He fills the heart with hope.  Where there is longing, He gives joy in ways that sustain us while we wait.  Where time has plucked special things out of our midst, He gives grace and colors our lives with the comfort of His truth and His promise.

The Lord is faithful to all His promises and loving toward all He has made.  The Lord upholds all those who fall and lifts up all who are bowed down.  The Lord is near to all who call on Him, to all who call on Him in truth. 
Psalm 145: 13, 18

We don't just flourish because of pruning and pain.  We grow in the strength of the Son and the Living Water of His Spirit, and the cool rest He gives our soul when the heat of trials overwhelm us.   And I give praise for all of it and pray for a countenance that shouts His beauty and glory.  I am a cracked pot, but He fills me with His abundant grace so that I may show His love and grow to His pleasure.

The pruning isn't the taking away of the ones we love, it's the act of teaching us to surrender the tight hold we have on them so that we can trust The One who blessed us with them in the first place.  As we learn to let go, we open ourselves up to the next stage of life and our journey continues as we walk in the presence of the Lord.

Pruning----part 2

It's late summer.  It's the time when things begin to change, and the things that spring had birthed, and long-lighted days had grown, begin to go into another phase. It seems as though this change always involves a surrender of some sort.

Surrendering can be painful, especially if it is something that is deeply loved that we must let go.  Surrendering can be like pruning.  Sometimes there are things that give us no choice but to let go of those things we continue to hold on to so tightly.  Time moves forward without any hesitation.  It doesn't stand still to give us a chance to release things ourselves, it steadily moves on, taking things with it, leaving a bit of sorrow in its wake. Time can pluck the blossoms right from our hearts, and it hurts even though the blossoms have changed.....and maybe even have died.

I pace the length of the porch trying to rid myself of the empty feeling I have inside.  "What will I do without them?  What will I do without her?  Why do things have to change?" My head tells me that there is a time for all things under heaven, but my heart asks time to stand still......and maybe even rewind so I can see her one more time.....so I can hear her voice and see her smile one more time.....so I can wrap my arms around her and just hold on for awhile.

 The kids leave at the end of summer, and my precious friend passed in the month of September, and for reasons beyond my control, I cannot get past the reoccurring sadness that always overcomes me this time of year.

Did she have to go now?  Couldn't we have just held her a little longer? Again, my heart feels such a tug.

My last chick pulls out of the driveway to go back to college.  I hold back tears until I get into the house and then stand by the window and watch her go away.  Memories flash of seeing my dear friend take her last breath as she went away.  I hate good-byes. Before my friend passed, she said we shouldn't say, "good-bye" we should only say, "I Love You".

 I Love you.

  The African Violet sits on the table next to where I am standing.  I absent-mindedly reach down and give the flower stem a snap and a tug and I pull the partially spent blossom away from the plant, leaving emptiness. Even without the pretty purple flowers, the plant is healthy and green.  It is strong and it has potential for new growth..  I know that this pruning is necessary in order to once again see the flourish of color.

Emptyness fills me as I hear the clock tick-tick-ticking.  I  feel the painful plucking and the tears fall.  But the heart is strong and there is potential--- even in the pruning.  Potential for new growth----new color. Oh Lord, please give me patience in the waiting, hope in the loneliness, and comfort in the sadness.

Pruning

 Pacing the porch in the morning sun, I absent-mindedly reach down and pinch off an old dried geranium bloom and toss it into the bucket of mixed dead blooms.Before I know it, I am plucking and pinching deadness out of the whole bed of plants. Taking one dead bloom is not enough....no, the whole garden must be rid of the things taking up space and crowding out the new blossoms and fresh green leaves. When I am done, I am satisfied as I look at the planter that extends the length of our front porch. Some of the color is gone, but in time, new blossoms will burst forth. 

 The clock is moving far too fast this morning. My heart feels that familiar tug, and my mind keeps saying,"where did the summer go? Did I spend enough time with her? Can't she just stay a little longer? When can we be together again? I shoulda......I coulda.... I woulda....I hate good-byes."

I grab the watering can and I begin to pour fresh cool water over the wilting pots of little purple mums and peach and yellow petunias. Water droplets glisten on the leaves and slide down into the refreshed soil. "There, that oughta keep you happy for a day or two," I tell the bright little plants. This heat is taking it's toll on all things growing.


I feel like the heat of things is taking it's toll on me as well.....things like too much busyness and not enough God, too much focus on self and not enough on the overall view of things, and......my empty nest.

My Girls

Together Again!

Seems crazy that two, born fom the same body, raised side by side through toddler to teen, and loved fiercly by the one who gave them birth, would all be living in separate places. Such is life, but this Mama is having trouble liking it!

A recent trip to Kylie's, provided a chance for us to all be together before Kristin heads off to school. Seeing the girls playing at the park brought back so many memories. It was as though they were 4 and 6 again, gigglng and challenging one another to "try this!" My heart felt joy, and sorrow all at the same time.

How could it be that this time in life could already be here? I can't believe that i have to let go ALREADY. Oh, how I miss those days of having them near, watching them play, dressing them in matching outfits, playing house with them, doing crafts and baking with them, reading to them, cuddling with them and smelling the familiar scent of their little sweet heads, and then tucking them into bed at night with a kiss and a prayer.

When they went off to college, it was hard, but somehow I still felt like they were mine! Now, Kylie is married and Kristin is preparing to start her career after this last year fo school and probably won't live at home next summer. So the reality of letting go is hitting me like a punch in the gut. Don't get me wrong, I am so excited for them and so blessed that they are finding their own way in life. I love seeing them blossom in time, but a Mama's heart always has that one piece that just wont detach, and every once in awhile it tugs hard enough to hurt, until it is stretched and made more pliable.

The truth is, they were never really mine to begin with. They were "on loan" from God, given to us for safe keeping, to nurture and teach until one day when they would be ready to go out and follow their own callings in life. I mean, that is the goal right? Self talk, self talk! I wonder why this is so hard? A friend said, "i wonder why God paired menopause and our children leaving all around the same time in life?!" I wonder that too.....in fact I think that will be one of my first questions when I get to heaven!

One thing I know for sure is that our sorrow is often in relation to our love. The more we love, the harder it is to let go. So......I must love my children a whole bunch! Thank God my son Brennan is still near....for now!

I am thankful for these moments of reflection and memories that can never be stolen, and I am so thankful for children that still love to take their Mama along when they go to the park to play!

Just the next step.....

A Petaled Path

Have you ever had days when you felt like everything before you looks grim?  Sometimes as we listen to the news or discover trials that our loved ones are going through, we feel so helpless and wonder what we are headed into. Sometimes I want to just close my eyes and stand still and pretend that I'm not here!  But then I realize that all I have to do is take the next step. Looking too far forward can be overwhelming, but if I just look at the step in front of me, I begin to see hope.  

We all know that we can't solve the world's problems ourselves.....we can't even solve our own problems ourselves!  We neither have the knowledge or the stamina to do everything that we think needs done in order to "make things OK". The thing is, what we may think the answer is, may not be the answer at all. We just see what is in front of us, we don't see the entire picture. Our ways and desires might not be what's best in the wide scheme of things.  But there is One who knows all.
 "As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are My ways higher than your ways and My thoughts than your thoughts." Isaiah 55:9 

 And He works all things for the good for those who love Him, who have been called according to His purpose. Romans 8:28
 We can trust in our all-knowing God.  We can trust Him to lead us to the next step according to His purpose for our lives.  If the path was completely clear all the way, we wouldn't lean on Him for the best way.  Having a partially unclear path causes us to rely on His strength and His will as we go, so that our steps will be in the direction He chooses in order for His purpose to be fulfilled in our lives.  

He doesn't ask us to grope around in darkness, trying to find our way, He lights our path as we go.  Like a lamp, the light only illuminates a portion of the path in front of us.
 "Your Word is a lamp to my feet and a light for my path." Psalm 119:105  Keeping the light before us requires a constant closeness with God through prayer, reading His Word, and living a life that reflects His love.  

So, when I am feeling overwhelmed by the problems in the world, or in my own life, I try to remember that all God asks of me is to take the next step.....to listen and watch for His guiding light so that I might know what I can do in order to fulfill His purpose in the greater scheme of things.  This gives me hope and moves me forward, and soon I am able to see the blessings rather than the problems. It's like the picture above. The blessings sprinkle the path.  If we are looking too far into the darkness ahead, we forget to look down at the blessings before us! 

Lord, help me today to see the blessings you have sprinkled at my feet so that I can be grateful rather than fretful!

Tiny Warriors

image borrowed from internet source

I hold those tiny warm pink feet in my hand and I am mesmerized by the perfection.  I stroke the fine creases on his silky sole and his toes curl around my finger, grasping tightly.  I smile.  I run my fingers along each little toe, smaller than tiny sweet peas in a pod, and I marvel at knowing that these brand new feet are already walking the journey of life.....and it must be so hard. 

Lungs heave, limbs flail, and the heart beats wildly in response to the foreign world around him. Bright lights shine above him and voices speak.  No longer is the warmth and muffled sounds from the womb.  No longer is the whooshing of his mother's heart or the endless and effortless sleep. Everything's different now, and there's no going back.

No matter how hard we try to simulate the environment that nurtured him before now,  it will never be the same.  But deep inside that tiny little body is a will to survive.  Along with those caring for him, and that amazing will, he has a chance.  He begins this part of his journey prematurely, but nevertheless, each step is measured carefully and with determination and Grace.  The journey becomes not just about him, but about countless others who invest their Love and care in the precious moments of his life.  Hearts change as  these tiny steps are witnessed, and this time.....this trying, difficult, emotional, beautiful, exhausting and magical time, becomes etched in a way that forever marks the soul. Like the grasp of those tiny fingers, this experience grabs hold of us in a way leaves us better than before.

My life has been marvelously touched as I have worked in the NICU for the past 18 years.  Some may not believe in Miracles, but I have seen them first hand.  Some may not understand why we work so hard to save the tiniest of tiny ones, but I have seen what happens in the hearts of those who love them.  Some may not think they can bear the sadness when a battle is lost, but I've seen God's grace come so near that His breath can almost be felt on on the wilted shoulders of the mourning. And  I have seen lives change as a result of walking the journey with these strong little warriors. A legacy is left in the wake of the passing, and multitudes of paths of others are flowered with the sweet petals of tender love.

I can't help but think about the love of the Father.  Our journeys are under His watch.  As we flail and struggle to survive this part of life, His will keeps us alive, because His will was accomplished through the death of His only Son Jesus.  No matter how hard we try to make this world heaven, it will never be our forever Heaven.  So each step of our journey must be measured carefully with determination and grace. In Him, our life's journey becomes not just about us, but about countless others who touch our lives and about the One who gave us eternal life.  His evidence in our lives is love.  And even though this life is difficult, exhausting, and emotionally draining at times, it is beautiful.  As we live in reflection of His grace in our hard times, others are touched in ways that reach deep into their soul and they changed in ways indescribable.

The path to Him is flowered with sweet petals of His tender love, and leads to our "forever Heaven" where there will be no more pain, no more suffering, and every tear will be wiped away.


He will wipe every tear from their eyes.  There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away.  Rev. 21:4

Home

HEART MOUNTAIN

A welcoming sight.....unchanging and unmoving. Always the same when everything else seems to be changing so fast. Assurance that I am home.